Sydney is a town where the only thing read cover to cover is a real estate contract. This means that people’s views on current events and national affairs are markedly different to views held and expressed in Adelaide or Melbourne.

To others around the nation these views may seem shallow and glib and the very parameters of the discussion might seem slight and offer little insight to a world class nation like Australia. Still it’s worth at least observing the chatter as there are a lot of us.

This week on 702 ABC Sydney Afternoons, as our Prime Minister and Opposition Leader debated their non-existent health policies, I asked our listeners in what kind of contest would you like to see our leaders engaged? Debating is all very well, but is there a different activity in which they could verse* one another that might reveal real leadership and character.

I began with a few suggestions, simple things to begin with; arm wrestling, all-night poker, table tennis. Then a little more elaborate, Master Chef, Dancing With The Stars, Reversing a Caravan.

But the listeners soon went physical. Get the leotard on and wrestle, said David. Strip off, oil up and go through the body building poses, suggested Louise. While striking each one recite a policy. She felt we would know how to trust once we’d seen them perform in that fashion.

Chess boxing.**

Came up a couple of times. This is actually occurring and the rules are simple. Make some chess moves and then a round of boxing. Abbot has an Oxford blue for Blueing but Kevin would have a pile of sneaky Mandarin moves for his rook that would leave Tony floundering.

Many felt an eating competition would be a leadership battle they’d find engaging. Pat recalled happy days on scout camp when the day began with the following duel; Weet-Bix eating. Box of Weet-Bix, pint of milk, how many Weet-Bix can you consume?

Pat suggested they should have to answer questions while eating the Weet-Bix.

“Pat,” I replied, “I’m starting to see a drinking context. Starts midnight in the Press Club or perhaps appropriate Manuka nightspot. Sponsored by Jagermeister. Answer question, Jagger shot. Answer question, schooner.”

“They talk so much drivel sober,” said Pat, “I couldn’t bear them pissed.”

We had to deal with Tony Abbot’s obvious physical advantage. Tony can now swim 10 kilometres while appearing on Q and A and so any sporting playing field is not level.

Chris had the answer. Kevin Rudd is a smooth talker. Tony’s very fit. Kevin has to sell 10 used cars, Tony has to swim 10km. First one to finish wins. Kevin’s got a mate with a yard full of lemons, some of them utes, and Tony will swim down an irrigation channel if camera present. Shouldn’t be hard to organise.

Two best ideas came from Nick and Kathy. Nick texted his in and I quote: “How about a high weeing contest? It seems strangely appropriate.” And Kathy would give her vote to the first one who could get a filling in the public dental system.

I’d be impressed with that too.

*In Sydney we speak like the kids. It’s how we roll.

**NB: The following is taken direct from their manifesto… The patronage of chess boxing has been taken under it’s wing by the World Chess Boxing Association. It propagates the spreading of chess boxing to all five continents.